Tall Cafe Vanilla Frapuccino

Niles: Double Cappuccino, half-caf, not-fat milk, with just enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing but not so much that it leaves a moustache.
Eric: Cinnamon or chocolate on that?
Niles: Oh they make this so complicated. Um, cinnamon.
(Frasier: The Candidate)

Yup, its coffee ….and its complicated…
Its impossible to keep up with the variety of ‘coffees’ available…

Frasier: What are your specials today?
Waitress: Kenyan blend.
Frasier: No, no, no no. Still poaching elephants over there. Got something else?
Waitress: Dark roast Brazilian.
Frasier: Not until they do something about the loss of our rainforests.
Waitress: Salvadoran?Frasier: No, I’ve never forgiven them for their human rights violations.
Waitress: Well, then we’re down to the Hawaiian Kona blend. Or have they slaughtered too many macadamia nuts?(Frasier: The Candidate)

One has to arm oneself with the knowledge about tall, grande, venti, shots, half caf, non fat, skimmed, latte ..etc…

Niles: Double latte, full fat, chocolate shavings.
Frasier: Ah. The self-pity special.
(Fraiser:Agents in America)

In India, the coffee craze has just started with Barista and Cafe Coffee (Kifayati) Day (certainly cheaper than Barista). The young clientele bites on the stale chicken / paneer sandwiches, sips coffee, listens to loud music and watches moving pictures on the telly. Why should there be a television with the sound off and a music system blaring loud music?!! But it was that different feel of lounging with one’s friends in their sofas and comfy chairs and playing board games and watching people , gave a ‘hip westernised’ feel to the young…perhaps it was this feeling that endeared this to the young urban youth.

But I have digressed quite a bit….This was supposed to be a wicked look at the choices that coffee drinkers have to make but I wasted an entire paragraph citing the coffee craze in India…

My Father and Barista:
Once in the spirit of conviviality my sister and I took my parents to Barista…We shouldn’t have done that…My father wanted to know why he should pay Rs 40 for a simple cup of coffee ….what was cappuccino, mocha, latte….wasn’t there something called as a simple coffee , akin to the one that mom makes at home….

Niles: I’ll have a grande half-caf latte, with a whisper of cinnamon, and for my father, plain coffee. I cannot emphasize the word “plain” enough. No foam, no cinnamon, no exotic flavors. If it is not plain, I take no responsibility for the consequences.
Waitress: How about a biscotti?
Niles: All right. But when you bring it, call it a cookie.
(Fraiser:Police Story)

Starbucks: (source Wikipedia)
A Multinational chain of coffee shops whose main clientele is students and young urban professionals….IIt has been named after Starbuck, a character in Moby Dick and its logo is a rather stylized figure of a siren. ( Starbuck’s chi devi)

Starbucks is known for the novel slang of its menu, substituting “tall,” “grande,” and “venti” for the more traditional “small,” “medium,” and “large.” (In addition to these sizes, there is also a “short,” the smallest Starbucks coffee size at 8 oz., but it’s not listed on the menu.) Additionally, most coffee drinks can be customized in some way, for example using skim milk instead of cream or mixing regular and decaffeinated coffee to make a “half-caf.” Flavored syrups and whipped cream can be added; cappuccinos can be made with more foam (“dry”) or less foam (“wet”). To the uninitiated, then, long-time Starbucks customers who know their favorites by heart can seem to be speaking a foreign language when they order.

There are usually two to four baristas (or “partners,” as Starbucks employees are called) in each store at any one time, depending on the shift. Starbucks baristas who wear a black apron are known as “Coffee Masters.” In addition to comprehensive training in coffee brewing and serving, they have been educated in the growing and roasting aspects of the coffee industry.

In the 1998 film You’ve Got Mail, Tom Hanks‘ character describes the power that Starbucks and other similar places have on people: “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don’t know what the hell they’re doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!”

There are people so devoted to Starbucks that there is one chap who is bent on visiting all Starbuck cafes!
This is his website http://www.starbuckseverywhere.net/

And as for the parting shot…

Waiter 1: What can I get for you?
Niles: I’ll have a double short, low fat, no foam latte.
Waiter 1: Double short, low fat, no foam latte!
Waitress: Double short, non fat, low foam latte!
Waiter 2: Double short, non fat, low foam latte!
Niles: Excuse me, I think there was a problem in the chain of command, the middle person reversed part of it. She said, “A double short, non fat, low foam latte.”
Waiter 1: Double short, non fat, low foam latte!
Waitress: Double short, non fat, low foam latte!
Waiter 2: Double short, non fat, no foam latte!
Niles: No, it happened again, that’s not what I want.
Waiter 2: Well, you can tell her youself.
Niles: All right, I’ll have a double short, low fat, no foam latte.
Waitress: Double short, low fat, no foam latte.
Waiter 2: Double short, low fat, no foam latte. Nutmeg?
Waitress: Nutmeg?
Waiter 1: Nutmeg?
Niles: No thanks. It inflames my stomach lining.
Waiter 1: Inflames his stomach lining!
Waitress: Inflames his stomach lining!
Waiter 2: Inflames his stomach lining!
Niles: Stop that!
(Frasier:Desperately seeking Closure)

And I cannot resist some more

Niles: I’ll have a decaf latte, and please be sure to use skimmed milk.
Frasier: I’ll have the same.
Waiter: Got it. Two Gutless Wonders.
Niles: He’s certainly playing fast and loose with his tips for a man who drives a van.
(Fraiser: You Can’t tell a Crook by his Cover)

and some more

Frasier, as Niles is served a second cup of coffee: Excuse me, what about mine?
Waitress: We’ve got a team of specialists working on it.
(Fraiser:My Coffee with Niles)

A Tall Cafe Vanilla Frappuccino with whipped cream on top please!


One thought on “Tall Cafe Vanilla Frapuccino

  1. jysung

    I love coffee, and I love Frasier. Thanks for collecting their coffee stories. It was a nice trip down tv-memory-lane.


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