weird conversations!

Living well is the best revenge.
Wonderful expression. I just don’t know how true it is, you don’t see it turning up in a lot of opera plots. “Ludwig, maddened by the poisoning of his entire family, wreaked vengeance on Gunther in the third act by living well.

It’s over! Sing, fat lady, sing!

And I stormed out and slammed the door! Of course, it was that fourteenth century Bavarian cathedral door, so I had to get two of the servants to help me, but what it lacked in spontanaity it made up for in resonance.

This is boring, yet difficult.

There’s a cute new handyman in my building. I thought I’d just go home, slip into my negligee, and rip out my faucet.

I am ecumenical! I embrace men of all faiths!

I see all those years of finishing school really paid off.

Everything was going great, until I said “I love you, Ben”… then he got this look on his face, like he’d taken a wrong turn in a really bad neighbourhood.

When I die, I want it to be on my 100th birthday, in my beach house on Maui, and I want my husband to be so upset he has to drop out of college.

Are you quite finished undressing him with your eyes?

Then find a subtler way.

And in your vernacular that’d be what – to slingshot your panties across the street?

Shut up, you big doily.

I know you’re upset, darling.

So after all these years of doing tummy tucks and liposuctions, I can look at a fully-clothed person and see exactly what they look like naked. I can see every sag, droop, ripple and pucker.

I’ll tell you when you’re through, you spineless twit, and you’re not even close!!

I have to go. I’m conducting a seminar in multiple personality disorders, and it takes me forever to fill out the nametags.

I have a session with my multiple personality. Not to worry – if I’m late he can just talk amongst himself.

So, you don’t think I have a germ phobia?

Ten bucks says he eats what he finds.

Oh God, oh God, oh God!

Do you have any idea how vile her food is? The local racoons have posted warning signs on her trash cans.

I’m the last of the Mohicans!

Oh. Well, the mystery’s solved!!!!!


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