It has been a dull and a depressing day today. It started out with me waking up late and in a foul mood because I did not get much sleep. The weather too is dull and gloomy. It looks like it might rain. There was no one except me in the part of the floor that our team occupies for a long long time today. People come late to the office these days. Earlier, I used to like being alone and getting a lot of work done before people turned up. Lately, I like people being around me and all of us talking and working.
I hate the fact that I have eaten up all the cashews, almonds and raisins from my stash of dry fruits , and now only the pistas remain. I dislike eating those. I am craving for light, fluffy idly and chutney. The idlis never turn out fluffy when I make them at home. They will get as hard as discs that I could throw at that bird and scare it. It is one of the many reasons that I did not get good sleep last night.
For some reason, I cannot concentrate on work and that irritates me more.
Anyhow, it has been 6 hours since the start of this miserable day and I have the rest of the day to salvage me from this depressing mood. Moreover, I should be working and not writing rants on my blog.
3 BTs for today:
1. Day before yesterday was a very very good day. Thinking of all the things that happened that day, makes tolerating my today easier.
2. Rain, just as I had predicted, came pouring down yesterday evening…mostly on me. My backpack was fully soaked and when I pried open my cellphone, water came pouring out of it, much in the same way as water comes pouring out of my ears after a swim. Today, the cellphone is dry and though it does not ring, I can still use it. To know when people are calling, I rely on ESP.
3. I held back from writing an article … rather dilly-dallied about it, so I have been asked to GET IT DONE. I make full use of my own notes on the subject and it turns out to be a good experience writing that article. It made me question, think, analyze and create something new.
4 *. I talked for over an hour with my sister who is working here. I am immensely proud of her and of the work she is doing. While talking to her, she asks me to send a parcel of Panini (not to be confused with this) over to her because she is missing sandwiches and the ones she makes are amazingly tasty.
* 3 are way over, but I have just realized that this day was much better that I thought. It might be even better if everything goes okay after writing this post.
I thought I was the one who came up with a theory of hopelessness (here and here).
Since I am feeling out of sorts today, I thought I’d write about Hopelessness. It would be purgatory for me and jerk me out of my hopeless slumber of gloom and despondency ( Don’t care whether it is grammaticaly correct or not).
On a sudden whim, I googled for Theory of Hopelessness. And this is what turned up.
Reading the following freaked me out!
The goal of the current study was to test the diathesis-stress and causal mediation components of the hopelessness theory of depression in third- and seventh-grade children. The procedure involved an initial assessment of depressive symptoms, hopelessness, and the 3 cognitive styles posited as vulnerability factors by hopelessness theory. The procedure also involved a series of 6 weekly follow up assessments in which depressive symptoms, hopelessness, and the occurrence of negative events were assessed. A depressogenic attributional style interacted with negative events to predict increases in depressive symptoms in seventh-grade children but not in third- grade children. A depressogenic inferential style Last, a depressogenic inferential style about the self interacted with negative events to predict increases in depressive symptoms in third- and seventh-grade girls but not boys. None of these interactions were mediated by hopelessness. about consequences interacted with negative events to predict increases in depressive symptoms in both third- and seventh-grade children.
(Emphasis is mine.)
via: Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology
What the author of the above excerpt probably meant by the attributional style and inferential style is probably this:
- Explanatory style is a psychological attribute that indicates how people explain to themselves why they experience a particular event, either positive or negative. Psychologists have identified three components in explanatory style:
- Personal. People experiencing events may see themselves as the cause; that is, they have internalized the cause for the event. Example: “I always forget to make that turn” (internal) as opposed to “That turn can sure sneak up on you” (external).
- Permanent. People may see the situation as unchangeable, e.g., “I always lose my keys” or “I never forget a face”.
- Pervasive. People may see the situation as affecting all aspects of life, e.g., “I can’t do anything right” or “Everything I touch seems to turn to gold”.
Via: Explanatory Style (Wikipedia)
From the same source, comes this explanation for the Theory of Hopelessness:
- More recently than the “learned helplessness” model which formed the theoretical basis of the original Abramson, Seligman and Teasdale statement on attributional style, Abramson, Metalsky and Alloy proposed the hopelessness theory.
- This theory distinguishes between hopeless depression and circumscribed pessimism. It emphasizes the dimensions of stability and globality rather than internality, holding that attributions of one’s failures to stable and global causes, rather than to internal causes, is associated with hopelessness depression.
- Hopelessness theory also emphasizes how perceived importance of a negative outcome, and perceived consequences of a negative outcome, are important as well as causal attributions in relation to clinical depression.
Surely makes my head spin.
- Dedicated to the hope that my own Theory of Hopelessness will be posted soon…It has to be formulated first! *
from every thing.
After hours of groaking at the laptop screen and hoping it will reveal its secrets to me, I just cannot take it anymore. There are no people around to have interesting conversations with. I am getting easily tired of doodling on my window. Even 100 things is not helping. I ate my lunch early hoping it will rejuvenate me, but it has done quite the opposite. The hum of the AC is annoying me and a migraine has started inching its way up my neck. I have been to the restroom umpteen times to check my face in the mirror, wash it with a soap free face wash, brush my hair and straighten my spectacles. The women on my floor must have started thinking that I live there!
I have gone for a couple of walks. Drank almost black coffee twice before lunch, and as a result increased my trips to the loo. I have visited all blogs that I have bookmarked. I have made 5 origami cranes. I have chatted online since morning. I have looked up my horoscope for today atleast thrice, as if it is going to change. I have posted 4 posts, one of them is this. I started making diagrams for work but even that fails to garner my interest for more than 15 minutes.
I don’t want to go out into the sun, because my skin burns easily. I don’t want to go alone. I am still sulking after a small squabble yesterday night. I don’t want to go and hunt for books. I don’t want to go to a cafe and have coffee all by myself. I will not be able to enjoy retail therapy. I don’t want to make/ eat my favorite pasta salad.
Things that cheer me up are not doing so. I just cannot find respite from this restlessness.
What should I do?