Tag Archives: seinfeld

Seinfeld quotes … after a long time!

Jerry: [during stand-up] To me, the thing about birthday parties is that the first birthday party you have and the last birthday party you have are actually quite similar. You know, you just kinda sit there…you’re the least excited person at the party. You don’t even really realize that there is a party. You don’t know what’s goin’ on. Both birthday parties, people have to kinda help you blow out the candles, you can’t do it…you don’t even know why you’re doing it. What is this ritual?

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Elaine: He recycled this gift. He’s a regifter.

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Estelle: Georgie, I’m a divorcee.
George: No, you’re not a divorcee. You’re just separated. You’re — you’re a “separatee.”
Estelle: Well, I’m out there, George.
George: No, you’re not out there.
Estelle: I am, too!
George: You’re not out there! You can’t be, because I am out there. And if I see you out there, there’s not enough voltage in this world to electroshock me back into coherence!

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Susan (engaged to George): I just want you to know that I love your son very much.
Estelle (George’s mother): You do?
Susan: : Yes.
Estelle: Really?
Susan: : Yes.
Estelle: May I ask why?

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George: Right now, I sit around pretending that I’m busy.
Jerry: How do you pull that off?
George: I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy. Think about it… [puts on an annoyed face]
Elaine: Yeah, you do! He looks very busy!
Jerry: Yeah, he looks busy! Yeah!
George: I know what I’m doin.’ In fact Mr. Wilhelm gave me one of those little stress dolls. All right, back to work. [puts on the annoyed face]

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Kramer The Designer (nothing original about this post)

Kramerica Industries


Cosmo Kramer: from a  wikipedia entry

An excerpt from Wikipedia about Cosmo’s inventions:

Kramer showed an entrepreneurial bent with “Kramerica Industries,” for which he devised plans for a pizza place where customers made their own pie (“Male Unbonding“), a bladder system for tankers that would “put an end to maritime oil spills” (“The Voice“), and a product that would put ketchup and mustard in the same bottle.

He also came up with the idea of a beach-scented cologne in “The Pez Dispenser“, but a marketing executive for Calvin Klein informed him that the idea was senseless. However, in “The Pick“, it is revealed that Klein has produced a cologne called Ocean based on the same idea. When Kramer confronts him about this, his interaction with a Klein executive lands him a photo shoot in connection with the cologne as an underwear model.

In “The Doorman“, Kramer and Frank Costanza co-develop a prototype for a brassiere for men called the “bro” or the “mansiere”. It’s mentioned again in “The Fusilli Jerry” when Frank believes that Kramer used “the move”.

In “The Muffin Tops“, Kramer cries foul after failing to receive due credit for J. Peterman‘s book success which was unduly based on Kramer’s misadventures. He then confronts Peterman during a book signing, and is kicked out of the event. Kramer then declares himself to be “The Real Peterman” and initiates The Real Peterman Reality Bus Tour, charging customers $37.50 for a tour of his life. On the matter of this tour, Jerry commented that it was “basically $37.50 for a mini 3 Musketeers bar.”

Kramer also hatched a scheme to smuggle actual Cubans to the United States to make his beloved outlawed Cuban cigars, only to learn the “Cubans” are actually Dominicans (“The English Patient“).

He participates in lawsuits against various people and companies, represented by Jackie Chiles, a parody of Johnnie Cochran. In “The Maestro,” he settled one such suit (though he received no monetary compensation) against a coffee company whose beverages were too hot (a reference to the McDonald’s coffee case). In “The Abstinence,” Kramer sues a tobacco company for the damage its products caused to his appearance, and in “The Caddy,” he sued Sue Ellen Mischke for causing a traffic accident that ruined his chances at becoming a professional golfer.

Coffee Table Book about Coffee Tables

A storyline running throughout the fifth season is the development of one of Kramer’s few successful ideas. Kramer first thought of the book in “The Cigar Store Indian“, although he later claims that he was skiing when he first had the idea. Throughout the season, his quest to get the book published becomes a running gag, and, although Elaine is portrayed as disliking the idea, Pendant Publishing (where Elaine and Kramer’s then-girlfriend worked) decides to publish it in “The Fire“.

In “The Opposite“, Kramer goes on Regis and Kathie Lee to promote the book. By accidentally spitting his coffee over Kathie Lee Gifford (“All over my Kathie Lee Casuals!”), his book tour immediately goes down in flames. Also in the episode, as a result of a bizarre chain of events, Elaine inadvertently causes the end of Pendant Publishing and therefore the end of Kramer’s book. Nevertheless, the book is mentioned later in the episode “The Wizard” where it is revealed that the book was being made into a movie and the money Kramer makes causes him to move to Florida temporarily.

The book itself was full of pictures of celebrities’ coffee tables, and even had a pair of foldable wooden legs. He also said that he had plans for a coaster to be built into the cover, and it is unknown if this feature was actually implemented at any point.

Kramer’s other inventions and ideas

  • A pizzeria where you make your own pizza pie. It falters because of a dispute between Kramer and Poppie over whether cucumbers can be pizza toppings. (“The Couch“)
  • Installing a garbage disposal as the drain in his shower, so that he could prepare vegetables while showering (“The Apology“).
  • Redoing his entire apartment in imitation wood wallpaper “It’s wood, Jerry.” (“The Junior Mint“).
  • Redecorating his apartment with the set of The Merv Griffin Show (“The Merv Griffin Show“).
  • Adding a screen door outside his apartment front door (“The Serenity Now“).
  • Using the homeless to pull rickshaws in New York City (“The Bookstore“).
  • Reversing the peephole in his apartment front door so he can see inside to see if someone was waiting to ambush him with a sock full of pennies. Ironically, this very thing happened to another character at the end of the episode.(“The Reverse Peephole“).
  • Owning his own chicken to obtain fresh eggs. He later discovers that the chicken is really a rooster and trains him to become a cock fighter (“The Little Jerry“).
  • Saving his blood in a refrigerator (“The Blood“).
  • Joining Newman who re-attempts an original (and refined) idea by Kramer. Using a mail truck to take cans to a Michigan recycling plant, where the bottle deposit return is worth 10¢, as opposed to New York’s 5¢ (“The Bottle Deposit“).
  • Getting rid of his refrigerator so that he would only eat fresh food (“The Soup“).
  • Placing oil in a giant rubber bladder to prevent oil spills. However, during the test of the giant ball of oil at Play Now, it falls on the unsuspecting head of Jerry’s girlfriend (“The Voice“).
  • A small statue of Jerry made of fusilli pasta (because he’s silly), a macaroni statue of Bette Midler (Macaroni Midler), and a ravioli statue of George (presumably “ravioli George”). All pastas “capture the essence” of their respective personae. (“The Fusilli Jerry“, “The Understudy“)
  • A cologne that smells of the beach, an idea which is eventually stolen by Calvin Klein. (“The Pez Dispenser” and “The Pick“)
  • Blacking out the divider stripes on two of the lanes in a four lane highway to make it more “luxurious.” (“The Pothole“)
  • A brassiere for men. Kramer and Frank Costanza dream this up as a business partnership. It never happens because they bitterly disagree over the name for the product: Kramer wants to call it the “Bro”, Mr. Costanza wants to call it the “Manziere”.
  • A Necktie dispenser to replace dirty ones, as seen in (“The Stock Tip“)
  • Vowing to only wear clothes which were fresh out of the dryer. He ends up baking the clothes in the oven, having run out of quarters for the machine, as seen in “The Calzone.”
  • Adding wooden levels to his apartment to create space and eliminate furniture. Seen in both (“The Pony Remark“) and in the pilot which Jerry and George create for NBC.